We're Walking, We're Walking

From time to time, say between 8 am and 5 pm, I like to surf through other people’s blogs and see if there’s anything worthwhile. You’d be surprised the number of gems that I’ve managed to turn up! Here’s a rundown of just a few diamonds in the rough that I’d like to share with you.

First, let’s all take a trip down blogger lane with theperfectpunk101. This characteristic pink and pink site with pink highlights showcases the very best of “punk” poetry (especially if you’re into pink):

sometimes i feel i just want to be wanted
like i thirst for the attention
but i don't even know why
then other times
i don't want to be bothered
it's not that i'm depressive
i think i'm a lot of fun

If it’s not the punctuation that gets you, it’s the way the lines meld together to touch you. The Smith's "Girlfriend in a Coma" has nothing on this site! She doesn't touch your heart, certainly. Nor, would I say, your mind. But there’s something there. It’s like perfectpunk (who, let's face it, is perfect and modest; two qualities every good punk should have) is trying to speak to me, directly to me. She’s just dialing with her angst.

Pink angst.

Now, moving through our tour, I came across another sapphire in the sea of blue funk: indians problems for white people

One post and one post only is necessary for this blog: “hi we have had to deal with dirty lazy indians who wont work my taxes pay for them to stay home. So tired of seeing the police afraid of these crazy people”

Clearly, marysue has all the integrity of Clarence Darrow, all the eloquence of a young Henry David Thoreau, and all the compassion of an energetic Martin Luther King, Jr. The next time I see a "dirty lazy indian" I certainly won't be afraid.

You shouldn't either.

Unless you're not white, in which case you'd best get to being dirty and lazy as soon as possible!

I'll save that lauravieirafotos. There are no words, but the pictures say it all!














Be annoyed. Be very annoyed.

Of course, after you've gone through your pink angst, your indian problems you probably want to relax! Well, if you live in London then bellyjustrelax is for you.

C'mon now, she has four years of experience!

Looking for an outsider’s view of the United States? Try One Hundred Years Of Solitude:

“BUT, I've been in Italy for a while and I've noticed that something bizarre happens when you step beyond the borders of the US (and its puppet-government in the UK): you (occasionally) get news that hasnt been filtered by goverment-backed scare mongering in media outlets. How many times must we hear on CNN that a carbomb killed 20-30 or more Iraqi workers in Baghdad while they waited to be picked up to go to work? And yet why is it never reported where it was they were working? Slave labour for the vile Halliburton or some other nefarious US corporation exploiting the disintegrating situation there? Attacks like this are always described and couched in the most neutral language possible, but I assure you these attacks are anything but neutrally motivated... but you'll never know otherwise. Big Brother just isnt a wretched TV show - it's evolving into a way of life in your country.”

Didn't we see this guy in a movie?



















And here I had doubts.

If you’re like me, and wondering who those 30% . . . sorry, 29% . . . sorry 28% still approving Bush's efforts are, let me refer you to: Macsmind - News, Conservative Commentary and Common Sense

“While not always agreeing on everything [George Bush] presents, one think I admire about him is that he does stand behind what he presents and believes passionately in what he is doing and believes it to be in the best interests of the country.

That's called "Character".”

Actually, character is the combination of qualities or features that distinguishes one person, group, or thing from another. "Believ[ing] passionately" in what you’re doing and that it’s “in the best interests” of everyone involved is called fanaticism. But since Mac told us that his blog was about common sense, then I suppose he's right. "These are the times that try men's souls."

Finally, but certainly not the least in our tour of bloggers, their blogs and blogging gems throughout the works, is Siolis: Vanguard:

“If you stumbled across this page, I’m sorry you’ve wasted your time. Ill just take my sheep and go…”

But if you’re here, and we’re here, isn’t it really our sheep? Our pink sheep?

Rubber Pants in Our Size

In my youth, World Domination as an Evil Overlord was on my “Things To Do” list.

It’s still there, but it’s slipped down past the century marks, right next to “Run for Pope” and “Teach our Nation’s Children to Read.”

That’s right, I do dream the impossible dream.

I also think I would look smashing in a papal miter.

But that’s just for the chicks. Chicks dig a guy in stole and vestments!

Things inside my head function on a different plane of reality. That’s not to say a higher plane, but it’s also not to say a lower plane or a plain plane. It’s more to the side, or slightly angled. Like a fine Scottish rain.

For example, I have found that when I’m walking, Darth Vader’s Theme Song plays in my head. This could potentially be a throwback to my goal of world domination, but it might just as well be that the cadence of the song matches my normal gait. I don’t generally wear a lot of black, and I haven’t owned a cape since I was in high school . . . I mean college . . . I mean.

D’oh.

The point being, that I don’t really see myself as an asthmatic with a penchant for asphyxiating my victims while talking in a normal, clear and menacing voice. Although, the ability to Force Choke someone, while I’m on a conference call does have its appeal.

Coworker: Ok, so let’s move on to point 3, subpoint A. As you can all see . . .
Me: Boy this is boring.
Coworker: . . . and we need to all be familiar with, achhh, . . . eepp . . .
Me: And that’s lunch!

But aside from phenomenal cosmic powers, there are certain drawbacks to being an Evil Overlord. You have to have a lair and all the best volcanoes are already taken. You have to have a goodie-two-shoes nemesis, who is not only stronger, faster and smarter than you, but also better looking. Theme music and cool costumes aside, there isn’t much else that Evil Overlords have going for them in this section. You also need not one, and not two, but fifteen or twenty diabolical schemes for national, international, global, or universal domination. And if you get picked up for a third season, you’re just doomed to rehash some of those previous plans with typical outcomes.

Of course, I have learned some things over the years about being an Evil Overlord from watching the trials and tribulations of other attempted and established Evil Overlords. For instance:

All of my ventilation shafts will be too small to crawl through.
When my nemesis, captured and completely within my power, asks me, “Since I’m going to die anyway, why not reveal your plan?” I’ll shoot him, in the head, then say, “No thanks.”

I will also never challenge said rival to any form of one-on-one combat. My Army of the Undead will simply fill his body with bullets, change clips and repeat.

I will always have triple-redundancy in my systems, and no single switch will be able to shut down my computer program, death machine, or cosmic ray-gun. Alternately, I will have copies of all spells and incantations

Upon hearing of the downfall of my throne via prophecy, I will never seek out the reckless youth, burn his village and slay his people. Nor will I send death squads out to try to stop his onward march toward my capital city. I will simply abdicate the throne and move my operation, army, bank accounts, weaponry, etc., to a neighboring country.

Then I’ll nuke him on coronation day, and march my Army of the Undead through the streets.

Finally, if my plan for world domination fails due to a clever combination of skills, unlikely alliances, unforeseen forces and most of all luck, I’LL JUST TRY THE PLAN AGAIN. Annoyingly repetitive for the viewers at home, but Edison didn’t build his lightbulb on the first try either. World domination takes dedication to the cause. If you’re just going to say, “Oh well, let’s move on to a new and even more intricate plan with an even higher probability of failure,” then why are you in the game at all? Move over, Bucky, there's a new Evil Overlord in town!

Here are more helpful hints on how to become an Evil Overlord. My own were inspired by this list . . . except for the Darth Vader Theme Song thing. That's all Rob, baby!