Matt's Run

Matt’s Run was Porter’s first race and also his mother’s first race. I am happy to report that both mother and son are doing well.

Porter ran with me, which is to say he sat while I pushed his running stroller around the course, changing from right to left in order to not cramp my arms, something I’ve never experienced before.

The upshot of running with Porter was that you get more cheers. A lot more cheers.

“Go baby, go!”
“Alright baby!”

Little punk. All he did was sit there and look cute. Not tricky for Porter. I was doing all the work. I paid for it with my time, but the race felt good, which is, for me anyhow, much better than a new PR. I was two minutes off from my previous race, but given that I was pushing 20+ pounds of baby and another 10+ pounds of stroller, I think I can be forgiven the 45 seconds extra on each split.

Porter and I came in first of the strollers, but there was no ranking for us. We were unsung heroes of the course.

Overall: 104th of 571
Time: 25:11
Division: Unknown
Splits: 8:06

Next to Godliness

I have a very poor memory. Being a man, I therefore must overcompensate this quirky character trait. My choice of overcompensation is to be ultra-tidy. A decidedly unmanly choice, as manly-men are not tidy. This lends further confusion on my sexuality which I won’t go into now.

My wife has a very good memory. Damn near perfect. Being that close to perfection, and being a woman, she doesn’t overcompensate by being tidy. Instead, she makes piles of paper that she memorizes the exact contents and locations. Then she leaves them in my direct line-of-sight.

Comedy hijinx ensue.

Lil: Where’s that receipt that I put in this pile of paper that you’ve obviously tidied in an attempt to overcompensate and prove your manliness? We only have a day to return this million-dollar item and for some reason I don’t think we need a jewel-encrusted version of the Star Wars Box Set, which you already have five different video formats. Plus, I don’t think the signature Jorge Lucas is worth the extra expense, no matter what he’s done for the Hispanic people.

Me [channeling the spirit of Lucille Ball]: Ohhhhhh, Lillian!

Lil [channeling Ricky Ricardo]: Rob, you’ve got some ‘splaining to do!

[cue audience laugh track]

Me: But I’m quirky!

[roll credits]