Next to Godliness

I have a very poor memory. Being a man, I therefore must overcompensate this quirky character trait. My choice of overcompensation is to be ultra-tidy. A decidedly unmanly choice, as manly-men are not tidy. This lends further confusion on my sexuality which I won’t go into now.

My wife has a very good memory. Damn near perfect. Being that close to perfection, and being a woman, she doesn’t overcompensate by being tidy. Instead, she makes piles of paper that she memorizes the exact contents and locations. Then she leaves them in my direct line-of-sight.

Comedy hijinx ensue.

Lil: Where’s that receipt that I put in this pile of paper that you’ve obviously tidied in an attempt to overcompensate and prove your manliness? We only have a day to return this million-dollar item and for some reason I don’t think we need a jewel-encrusted version of the Star Wars Box Set, which you already have five different video formats. Plus, I don’t think the signature Jorge Lucas is worth the extra expense, no matter what he’s done for the Hispanic people.

Me [channeling the spirit of Lucille Ball]: Ohhhhhh, Lillian!

Lil [channeling Ricky Ricardo]: Rob, you’ve got some ‘splaining to do!

[cue audience laugh track]

Me: But I’m quirky!

[roll credits]