Insult to Injury

Last weekend was the Ontario Mills 5k/10k. This normally would have been my weekend to run the Diamond Valley Lake, but the Ontario Mills was a closer race, and since I’m trying to be all green and stuff, as well as bring my wife and son along as cheering section, I figured I’d give it a go.

Mistake.

We arrived a goof 30 minutes ahead of time because I’m anal retentive and paranoid.

Hey, go with what you’re good at.

There were two lines in front of the registration table, and no one seemed to know which line was for which, so I just got in the shorter line.

Mistake.

About ten people from the front, I was told that I was in the late-registration line. I don’t register late because, as mentioned above I’m anal retentive and paranoid. Also, registering the same day costs more.

I’m tight-fisted to boot.

But I’ve been running races for a couple years now, and I know that the registration table folks are somewhat accommodating. At worst, they would just ask me to step to the side, sign one of the proper table workers to my request and I’d be on my way.

Mistake.

Two people ahead of me, they announce that they have “run out of numbers”, and they will only be handling the pre-registered people now. I realize listening to the girls immediately in front of me that they, likewise, have already registered. I take action:

“Just step to the middle, they’ll help us out.”

The girls did, and I got the attention of a worker, who actually did help us out. But I now realized what one of the main problems with the registration desk was. They had six people at the desk, but no one was assigned a particular group, and so lists were being passed back and forth, and frustrations were rising, meanwhile late registrants were being handled one at a time, instead of told to fill out their registration and then come back for their number.

The term “fubar” begins to apply.

My turn comes up, as I check the time, and note there is only 5 minutes to race start.

“Sorry, we’re out of shirts, so we’ll have to mail you one.”

Right. No worries. What do I care? I’m not really here for the shirt. I race for the thrill of competition. I’ve never proudly pulled out a race-day t-shirt to reflect that I am a runner, and compete against other runners in official running-day events for which I pay way too much money and only receive this t-shirt in lieu of glory.

Never.

So I get my bib number, and I’m pinning it on, when we’re all informed that the race start is actually ¾ of a mile away from the registration table. Alright, no worries. I’m an athlete, I can hack walking that distance, except that it’s 5 minutes from the start.

Fortunately, the race organizers had thought of this, and given their incompetence, decided to start the race 30 minutes late. Did I mention the race was around a mall? Did I further mention that the mall started opening at 8:00 am, which is when the race was now set to go off? Did I even further mention that we were running on the road where cars would be driving to get to the mall?

Well, enough of that. The race goes off, and it’s a very flat course, so I’m at my cruising speed, and I run a pretty decent race. I even manage to hear the times as I cross what passed for a finish line (they used the crosswalk along the road, with no other sign that that was the finish). My time was about 21:32, which is more than great. It's Grrrr-eeeaatt! It's freaking fantastic. It's a new PR for me.

All that training and pain (not to mention the steroids and cheetah-gene injections) are actually starting to pay off!

Thus, imagine my surprise, chagrin and eventual rage when I checked the official rankings. Not only am I at the bottom of the pack, but my time is almost exactly double what it was when I crossed the line.

So, the Official information is:

Overall – 74th of 88
Time – 43:01
Age Division – N/A (they didn’t break it out by age)

Not only can't they run a race, they can't even write down a bib number and a time correctly. Needless to say, I will not be returning to the Ontario Mills 5k/10k next year. Diamond Lake will have me back with bells on!

Oh, and Unofficially:

Overall – 19th of 88
Time – 21:32 (New PR)

New New Year's Resolution 2009 - Part I

So here is my review of last year’s New Year’s resolution. This will be part one of a two part series which, at some point, might be available for download at my store for a modest fee.

10- Spend less time with my family, friends and new son.

Failed. I missed this one right out of the gate. As you can see, I spent so much time with my new son that I ended up spending time with my family, and then, because they were so much fun, we spent time with friends new and old.

9- Gain weight and/or inches.

Failed. Apparently, running increases your metabolism, burns calories and reduces fat. I can't attest to shapely hips and thighs, but I've been told that I have buns of copper verging on bronze.

8- Put up progressively worse race times.

Semi-failed. There were times when my races were worse, but never progressively worse. So, unfortunately, I improved overall. The closest I got was Matt's Run (25:11), but I was slowed by 30 extra pounds of stroller and baby. The worst offense was my current PR of 21:42 at Fontana Days 5k.

7- Swear, curse, and blaspheme more.

Failed. Apparently, failing #10 means that my language cleans up as well.

6- Write fewer blogs.

Failed.

5- Write less on my own fiction.

Succeeded. Due to my carpal tunnel, and my spending more time with Porter, family and friends, I succeeded in having less time and thus less writing.

4- Eat more carbs containing cholesterol and fat, more fat containing carbs and cholesterol and more cholesterol containing fat and carbs.

Failed. I kicked my Dr Pepper habit (sniff, sniff), ate more veggies and less potato chips. I also started bringing my own lunch, which meant I could regulate the type and amount of food. It was a very sad year.

3- See less of the world and adopt a radically Republican viewpoint on the world at large.

Failed miserably. Not only was I unable to see the Republican viewpoint, I was also unable to vote Republican.

2- Vote for no one, since it's just one vote and won't make any difference anyhow.

Failed. I voted early and often. Yes, we can!

And my #1 New Years Resolution for 2008 . . .

1- Look gift horses in the mouth, judge books by their covers, leap without looking, and wake sleeping dogs, bears, lions and tigers. Oh My!

Success. It’s the little things in life. But at least I could outrun them.