What the Prick!?

As part of my company's "get tough on health" we had our "biometric" exam today. All the questions were asked via machines that determine heart rate and whatnot. They also did a cholesterol blood-sugar thingy which involved being stabbed in the finger.

My station nurse poked my finger just fine, took a ton of blood, and while I sat woozy from it, I watched as she dabbed a bit on the test strip for the cholesterol exam and then promptly tossed it away without looking at the blood-sugar exam at all.

"I just threw that away, didn't I?" she asked me.

If I'd eaten, I might have had a witty retort, something in the Here's Your Sign category. But being in pain from the twelve-inch spike she used the first time, woozy from the loss of blood and low on sugar already, I just nodded dumbly.

"We'll just have to use another finger," and she laughed as if we were old friends sharing a joke that we both found beyond humorous and couldn't contain our mutual mirth.

I did not smile.

Then, she took an Band-Aid and wrapped it around my finger.

Yes, the finger that wasn't bleeding such that she had to stab me a second time. That finger.

So now, the second and third fingers of my left hand are completely unusable.

Where's my sign?

You Say You Want A Resolution

If you've been a faithful reader, and a Rob-trivia afficionado, then you know that I don't make New Years Resolutions. Mostly because I take my personal records the way I take my coffee: clean with no coffee.

However, that's all about to change, and you can witness history in the making, right here, right now:

Rob's New Years Resolution - 2008

10- Spend less time with my family, friends and new son.
9- Gain weight and/or inches.
8- Put up progressively worse race times.
7- Swear, curse, and blaspheme more.
6- Write fewer blogs.
5- Write less on my own fiction.
4- Eat more carbs containing cholesterol and fat, more fat containing carbs and cholesterol and more cholesterol containing fat and carbs.
3- See less of the world and adopt a radically Republican viewpoint on the world at large.
2- Vote for no one, since it's just one vote and won't make any difference anyhow.

And my #1 New Years Resolution for 2008 . . .

1- Look gift horses in the mouth, judge books by their covers, leap without looking, and wake sleeping dogs, bears, lions and tigers. Oh My!

Happy New Year 2008 to everyone!